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Post by oswlek on Oct 30, 2012 11:34:51 GMT -5
Rick's post got the wheels turning, and you know how hard it is to stop them when that happens... Here is a new demo, entirely on the piano. It is structured almost exactly as Rick had it with a few mild variations. The melody of the final "in an ordinary time" is going to change to something ascending to middle C, but I haven't quite worked it out yet, so I just kept it the same for now. It should get the idea across, though. Am I on the right track? Does it still lack melodic variation? FINAL MIX - picosong.com/33J2Earlier stages.... picosong.com/3wSp/picosong.com/3w9X/picosong.com/3srd/picosong.com/3sVb (vocal is a little too loud, will be adjusted) Drag on a cigarette
As I have my morning cup
Burns inside oh but it
Feels so right
Race outside try to
Beat the cold
Another day is waiting
Another year is fading[/u] It's an ordinary life In an ordinary time Get to work as I Curse under my breath Yours is not for taking
Mine is, is forsaken (any ideas for this?) Close my eyes and I Think of better things Dreams don't last oh now these Days just pass It's an ordinary life In an ordinary time[/i] Some background. * The vocal is a second take all the way through. I pitch fixed a couple dozen spots and it has some background noise, but something about it appeals to me. * As I wrote above, the melody on the final line is going to change. Haven't quite gotten it, but I'm almost there. * I'm going to add some low piano notes to the latter half of the second verse to make the song more forceful when the vocals rise which should create a nice resolve to the tamed chorus. Assuming, of course, that the song is worthwhile. |
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Oct 30, 2012 12:18:17 GMT -5
(New demo)
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That elect piano starts it perfectly.
Yes, I knew Oswek when he was a regular guy like me.
My lord this is day and night better, and it was damn good before.
Rick
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Post by oswlek on Oct 30, 2012 13:51:10 GMT -5
Thanks a lot, Rick. I never would have even bothered to put this together if it weren't for your tip. Something about it rang true, so the machine just wouldn't let it go.  |
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Post by bee3 on Oct 30, 2012 13:57:59 GMT -5
Yeah, that was great.
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Post by oswlek on Oct 30, 2012 14:17:17 GMT -5
Thanks, bee. I'm no DiFebbo on the piano, but I like it. There are a couple spots I'm probably going to tweak, thank God for midi, because I'd never be able to do it otherwise.  Two votes for this as a viable arrangement. That makes me happy. Now I just need to get Lee's input...  |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 30, 2012 18:22:14 GMT -5
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen this place (these places?) so dead. More than 4 hours since the last post? Hell, I've only seen about 20 total views click off in that time.
I hope the storm didn't wash away our members...
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 30, 2012 18:31:17 GMT -5
^^^
I was wondering about how everybody is doing after the storm.
I posted a new song 24 hours ago and nobody has made any suggestions.
Naturally, 'Insecure Songwriter Syndrome' has kicked in, and I'm thinking it must be so terrible that nobody wants to tell me.
However, for the moment, I'm saying it must be the storm.
It's morning here in Oz, and I'll get to listen to the new version of your piece after I sign off from this post.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 30, 2012 18:40:30 GMT -5
I've just listen to the piano version and then went back for a re-listen to the guitar version.
What a difference! - The piano is so right for this song - it gives it a life that the guitar version doesn't have.
You are right - the 2 lines in red need replacing as they are superfluous to the theme. I'll have a think and get back to you.
Maybe staying on the 'not wanting to be at work' theme :
Get to work as I
Curse under my breath
Time that passes emptily
And never returned back to me
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Post by oswlek on Oct 30, 2012 21:17:23 GMT -5
Thanks OGP, glad you think I'm on the right track. I like your suggestions, but I'm already mining the "time passes" vein a good deal with each verse wrap-up line. I'm thinking something like My sick bank is empty  Just something that artfully says "I'm here because I have to, not because I want to". |
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Post by leeknight on Oct 31, 2012 8:30:16 GMT -5
Really good! It feels like a completely different song. Nice singing. Ideas:
Get to work as I
Curse under my breath
Another day spent between
The back wall and computer screen
Get to work as I
Curse under my breath
No sick days to take
N' Just two hours till smoking break
Get to work as I
Curse under my breath
Another day spent counting beans
And I log in to the machine
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Post by bee3 on Oct 31, 2012 9:10:50 GMT -5
Get to work as I
Curse under my breath
And my heart's not in it
Clock beats slowly... infinite
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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 31, 2012 9:21:41 GMT -5
I like the piano arrangement. The vocal is a little nasal.
I definitely like the first couplet of the verses better than the second couplet. The first couplet is very concrete and specific, the second couplet is more vague and general.
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 10:39:51 GMT -5
Thanks for the replies, guys. Really glad to see some activity again, I was beginning to worry about some of you. Here is an updated demo with totally redone vocals (you are right about the prior vox, Ram. That was never meant to be a final). I also touched up the compression levels for the piano and vox to make them mesh better. picosong.com/3srdIt is a comp of 6 different tracks with only a half-dozen or so fixed notes. I did this last night before the new V2 ideas, so that hasn't been addressed yet. I'll probably run with something like this: No sick days left to take (and)
Miles till my smoking breakI also have to lower the vox in the opening stanza, the levels feel good to me except there, as well as playing with the delay/reverb on the final line, which is a little too wet. Is there anything else that feels like it needs help? Does the melody on the final line work? |
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Post by stickboy on Oct 31, 2012 11:09:49 GMT -5
ohhh your vocals sound perky on this..... even the recording of them sounds awesome.
This could have come right from Ben Fold's song book
great work sir.
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 12:30:24 GMT -5
ohhh your vocals sound perky on this..... even the recording of them sounds awesome. This could have come right from Ben Fold's song book great work sir. Thank you, Stick. This fish damn near got away, but Lee and Rick wouldn't let me drop the line.  |
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 12:52:58 GMT -5
Is there anything else that feels like it needs help? Does the melody on the final line work? I think it's absolutely perfect except for one thing. The final note on the melody line on "It's an ordinary life..." sounds written instead of natural. I like the chord, I just think you should consider going up on that note instead of down. I know you're probably too attached to consider the change, but I thought it was worth mentioning. |
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Post by bee3 on Oct 31, 2012 13:01:26 GMT -5
Wonderful.
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 14:17:35 GMT -5
You are too kind, Bee.
Lee, I think I can hear the movement you speak of, but I have to admit that I find the current flow more natural. Rising at the end feels like a false attempt at instilling extra drama, to me anyway.
Unless you are referring to the second line ending in "time", which a rise there makes more sense to me.
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 14:33:49 GMT -5
You are too kind, Bee. Lee, I think I can hear the movement you speak of, but I have to admit that I find the current flow more natural. Rising at the end feels like a false attempt at instilling extra drama, to me anyway. Unless you are referring to the second line ending in "time", which a rise there makes more sense to me. No. The note I'm referring to lands on the word "life." It sounds artificial to my ears. |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 14:37:41 GMT -5
No. The note I'm referring to lands on the word "life." It sounds artificial to my ears. I could be sharp there, but it should be an A-G# walk down from Dm to Fm. Going from A to C also makes sense, but doesn't sound right to me. I could send a piano only demo to sing along to if you have something in mind other than rising to C there. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 1, 2012 11:56:13 GMT -5
The note is right, Lee. I spent about 45 minutes at the piano yesterday playing with a multitude of possibilities, including rewriting the early part of the melody. First off, I misspoke yesterday about the chords, they are Am-Am/F#-Fm. Because of this, the EEEE-DCA part just couldn't be improved without completely rewriting the approach, and I couldn't find anything better. If anything, that bit is my favorite of the entire song. Regarding the note in particular, anything that fell outside of the chord didn't work, so that left me with F-C-G# to work with. High F didn't work at all, though a low F wasn't awful. Still worse, but I could have lived with it if forced to. C, the note I think you want it to go to, didn't work at all. With the song being in the key of C and that note existing in the three chords above, it just created far too much resolve. Rising there also diminishes the feeling of resignation, going against the chorus' primary goal. That left me with G# as the only acceptable alternative. FWIW, I completely retracked the vocals yesterday. I punched in to update V2 but decided the entire thing needed replacing, largely due to Pat Pattison's advice to retain the normal speech patterns. I also spent a few hours remixing it. You might like this better. picosong.com/3w9X/ |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 1, 2012 11:58:05 GMT -5
Lock the file. Throw away the key. This one is done.
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Post by oswlek on Nov 1, 2012 12:26:53 GMT -5
Lock the file. Throw away the key. This one is done. Not quite, but the end is in sight.  I have to say again how much I love our community. Without you guys to bounce ideas off, this song would never have come out. I can't thank you all enough. |
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Post by unclenny on Nov 1, 2012 13:53:32 GMT -5
Listening......damn, when you first hit....'ordinary day'.
Some seriously good singing on this one.
Love how you take the piano minor at the end like that.
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Post by oswlek on Nov 1, 2012 14:03:34 GMT -5
Thanks a lot, Len. I am very pleased with how the most recent vocal track came out, IMO it is the best I've ever captured the emotional quality of lyric. (Here is the mix for those who haven't heard it yet. Not quite the final, but damn close: picosong.com/3w9X/ ) FWIW, I have you to thank for a lot of how it came out, because it is a mix of 5 different takes, something I wasn't capable of doing smoothly prior to learning automation. In a few instances, the tracks change mid phrase and you can't hear any evidence whatsoever. If you hadn't pestered me into picking up that skill, I'd be settling for second rate takes or dealing with clicks all over the place. No more with that shit! |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 2:27:38 GMT -5
I feel really good about this one. Got the vox to sit on top of the piano better without them competing for the same space. About the only thing up for debate is whether the vox could be inched up a little more. Thanks everyone! picosong.com/3wSp/ |
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Post by stickboy on Nov 2, 2012 3:25:08 GMT -5
I've just listened back to mix three (the first one I commented on)
I actually prefer the vocal sound on this.... may be a "tiny" bit too loud but the less reverb sounds so much more personal and really drags you in.
I think what I am saying is slightly lay off the reverb and slightly louder vox than the final mix you posted.
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Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 6:26:59 GMT -5
I've just listened back to mix three (the first one I commented on) I actually prefer the vocal sound on this.... may be a "tiny" bit too loud but the less reverb sounds so much more personal and really drags you in. I think what I am saying is slightly lay off the reverb and slightly louder vox than the final mix you posted. Thanks, I'll tweak it a little. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 8:25:12 GMT -5
OK, Stick (and Lee, hopefully), I tamed the verb sends and even tamed the verb itself within the VST. I also upped the vocals a little and added some compression to really push it on top. I agree with Stick that this is an improvement, Is finally done? picosong.com/3wEXI guess the only question I have is whether I lost too much of the vocal tail and if I should add a dry delay. |
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Post by stickboy on Nov 2, 2012 8:30:29 GMT -5
Working for me!
I like you like this - I wonder if the piano album is next on the agenda?
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