|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 6:38:17 GMT -5
Hi all - I'm not sure this is ready for posting yet, but I'm not a patient man. This is the direction I'm going in... soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11977040Critiques are welcome. Sometimes I'm good in certain company Other times I sit awkwardly alone It may be due to circumstance That I prefer to take a chance alone Sometimes I feel like just letting go Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo Sometimes I'm into reciprocity Avoiding all animosity... I know It's a perfect plan 'cause it works for me And in my head where no one else can see... I'm prone Sometimes I feel like just letting go Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo Sometimes I'm good in certain company Other times I sit awkwardly alone It's a perfect plan 'cause it works for me And in my head where no one else can see... I'm prone Sometimes I feel like just letting go Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo |
|
|
|
Post by unclenny on Nov 2, 2012 7:08:13 GMT -5
Good tune.
A few production observations........
You really need to nail those opening vocals. You're laying everything on the line right there.
Watch the timing when that second guitar comes in.
I LOVE that lead guitar work. The song really gets good when you bring in that extra instrumentation.
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 7:43:59 GMT -5
Yes... I was rushing out this morning trying to get that posted before work. There are a ton of things I know I want to fix. Drums, Vox (I haven't done a vocal comp yet), I want Shortchord to play bass, etc...
But the structure of the song... is it ok? The breakdown at the end? Is that working?
|
|
|
|
Post by unclenny on Nov 2, 2012 7:49:18 GMT -5
It surely works for me.
Love how it builds.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrkelley on Nov 2, 2012 8:17:32 GMT -5
But the structure of the song... is it ok? Yes. |
|
|
|
Post by stickboy on Nov 2, 2012 8:46:52 GMT -5
Yes yes YES - awesome again good sir
These tracks are HOT of late!!
As an aside - are we all staying here - i checked the other board the other day and it appeared to work
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 8:53:48 GMT -5
This is fucking awesome. Yes, I know we are family friendly around these parts, but the f-bomb is totally warranted.
FWIW, you might want to follow this conversation:
(all four vids are worth watching. That user only has two up, but if you copy the name and search YT all four are there. I actually have them saved in a playlist if you have a hard time finding them)
There are a few spots where you are stressing the wrong word too much, most notably the "like" in the chorus. You really want to phrase it something like this:
Sometimes I feel... (like) LLEEEEEEEEEETTing go...
With the emphasis on the "let". Notice I dropped the "just", I actually don't mind it, but I can't find room for it while stressing "let". You'll also have to stretch "go" into a three syllable word to get that cool melodic phrase at the end of the line, but it sounds great when I sing along.
I also agree with Len that you need to comp a better vocal in the open, try to bring out more of your true bass tones.
Otherwise this is an astounding song, Justin. Bloody fantastic.
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 9:09:36 GMT -5
One other thing, listening again and I can hear a second lead line playing something totally different during the solo. In the first half it is mostly speaking in a higher register, taking the empty space, but it becomes more agitated and active when the primary lead bit moves up in the second half.
It isn't a harmony, it is a totally separate lead part.
|
|
|
|
Post by leeknight on Nov 2, 2012 9:38:07 GMT -5
Awesome
Awesome
Awesome
Awesome
Awesome!
|
|
|
|
Post by leeknight on Nov 2, 2012 9:47:30 GMT -5
I love the chord you end on, unresolved. That's great. I love the guitar voice only for that long. Wonderful. I love the way the solo guitar plays that little chord sequence then stops, then starts, then goes up an octave. That's cool.
The only thing I heard that I might add... is a reverbed out sax or violin or synth or that chick from Dark Side of the Moon, singing "on" the same note but then bend up where the lead goes down. Just singing "on" or "ah"
Turn out the light turn on (here on the word "on" is the double verbed out bit, bending at the chord change upward while the lead goes downward as it does and sings) the stereo.
That ^ could be a cool hook in the Pink tradition.
And... I'd drop the "I" in V1. It clutters and isn't needed.
From:
Sometimes I'm good in certain company
Other times I sit awkwardly alone
To:
Sometimes I'm good in certain company
Other times sit awkwardly alone
Did I mention I think this is Awesome?
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 9:54:00 GMT -5
I need to get a sax.
The drums need some serious work on the bridge. It's so odd what is happening there... I believe the song is in 6/8, but does it switch to 3/4 there? I need a theorist here...
Anyway, I'll try my hand at drum programming tonight.
|
|
|
|
Post by leeknight on Nov 2, 2012 10:13:46 GMT -5
l: 3 bars of 6/8 with a bar of 3/8 :l repeated. So it's counted like this
1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3
1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3
Of course, the drums in the main body of the song are in 4/4 but half time tempo. So if you count the snare hits as being on 2 and 4, you can see it as a slow tempo 4/4. It's a great way to get a backbeat on 3/4 - 6/8 thing. Something that is ingrained in us and we hear all the time but might not be sure what is going on..
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:16:50 GMT -5
l: 3 bars of 6/8 with a bar of 3/8 :l repeated. So it's counted like this 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 Of course, the drums in the main body of the song are in 4/4 but half time tempo. So if you count the snare hits as being on 2 and 4, you can see it as a slow tempo 4/4. It's a great way to get a backbeat on 3/4 - 6/8 thing. Something that is ingrained in us and we hear all the time but might not be sure what is going on.. It's actually 6/8 in half-time. I'm really hoping changing the drums up will help that bridge pop more. |
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:20:12 GMT -5
This is fucking awesome. Yes, I know we are family friendly around these parts, but the f-bomb is totally warranted. FWIW, you might want to follow this conversation: (all four vids are worth watching. That user only has two up, but if you copy the name and search YT all four are there. I actually have them saved in a playlist if you have a hard time finding them) There are a few spots where you are stressing the wrong word too much, most notably the "like" in the chorus. You really want to phrase it something like this: Sometimes I feel... (like) LLEEEEEEEEEETTing go... With the emphasis on the "let". Notice I dropped the "just", I actually don't mind it, but I can't find room for it while stressing "let". You'll also have to stretch "go" into a three syllable word to get that cool melodic phrase at the end of the line, but it sounds great when I sing along. I also agree with Len that you need to comp a better vocal in the open, try to bring out more of your true bass tones. Otherwise this is an astounding song, Justin. Bloody fantastic. Thanks Justin... I'm a bit worried about putting the emphasis on LEETTTTT... I'm trying it here in my office (quietly) and it just doesn't feel right. I could maybe do: Sometimes I feel JUSSSTTTTTTTTT like letting go. |
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 10:22:20 GMT -5
It works, trust me. If necessary, I'll upload a quick demo later. "Just" is an equally trivial word, so it doesn't solve the problem.
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:25:28 GMT -5
It works, trust me. If necessary, I'll upload a quick demo later. "Just" is an equally trivial word, so it doesn't solve the problem. Please do... I don't hear it. "Just" is not trivial... it's 2/3s of our name! |
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 10:25:45 GMT -5
I should add that only the "leh" part gets peak note treatment, not both.
(like) LLEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH ting go.....
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:28:24 GMT -5
I should add that only the "leh" part gets peak note treatment, not both. (like) LLEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH ting go..... Hmmm... nope. Still not hearing it.  What is so wrong with putting the emphasis on 'like'? (I can't watch youtube at work at the moment). |
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 10:33:00 GMT -5
Like, just, as, which, that, the, this, those, these, but, and, or
These types of words are largely extraneous in song and you want to avoid featuring them melodically, if not altogether. The vid goes into great detail about preserving the natural shape of language, singing it as you would say it. I give myself a little more leeway than Pat does in the class, but in this instance, the featuring is just too strong for such a useless word. You want the primary part to get the spotlight.
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:34:37 GMT -5
So, I imagine turn OOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN the stereo is no good too?
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 10:36:50 GMT -5
No, that is fine, even preferable considering the composition of the line. Had you peaked on "the" I would have given you a hard time.  EDIT: Say the line aloud. You'll most likely stress "on" and "ster" the most. That is why peaking on "on" is fine. In the first line, "feel", "let" and "go" are what get stressed. |
|
|
|
Post by rsadasiv on Nov 2, 2012 10:45:07 GMT -5
I should spend more time with those Pat Pattison videos - you guys lost me here.
Anyway, new version sounds good. The extra instrumentation makes it less intimate feeling, so the slightly strained vocal works better.
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 10:48:46 GMT -5
Just listened again, this is simply awesome... Anyway, I can totally hear after a 4 second pause to let that final chord linger, a sudden ascending palm smear on an organ grabbing the song and making it take off again into previously uncharted territory. I'm not sure it would be right for a CD, but in a live show it would rock something serious. Ram, I'm not sure anyone actually followed me. |
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 2, 2012 10:56:23 GMT -5
Just listened again, this is simply awesome... Anyway, I can totally hear after a 4 second pause to let that final chord linger, a sudden ascending palm smear on an organ grabbing the song and making it take off again into previously uncharted territory. I'm not sure it would be right for a CD, but in a live show it would rock something serious. Ram, I'm not sure anyone actually followed me. I wish I was a rip-roaring guitarist... I'd totally do that. Love the idea... maybe I will... and recruit a guitarist. |
|
|
|
Post by leeknight on Nov 2, 2012 11:38:03 GMT -5
l: 3 bars of 6/8 with a bar of 3/8 :l repeated. So it's counted like this 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - 1 2 3 Of course, the drums in the main body of the song are in 4/4 but half time tempo. So if you count the snare hits as being on 2 and 4, you can see it as a slow tempo 4/4. It's a great way to get a backbeat on 3/4 - 6/8 thing. Something that is ingrained in us and we hear all the time but might not be sure what is going on.. It's actually 6/8 in half-time. I'm really hoping changing the drums up will help that bridge pop more.  Well... the truth is it is what ever adds up. And whatever helps you realize the groove you're hearing. But I do sometimes count those things as a very slow 4/4. And think of it in terms of layered meter, if that makes any sense. There's no reason why it should make sense, but it works for me. |
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 12:28:40 GMT -5
Dammit, man. I wish I wrote this.
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 3, 2012 7:30:11 GMT -5
Here you go, Bee. I just played through from start to the end of C2, offering two alternates for that opening C line. Personally, I like using the second option as a twist on listener expectations, though I'm not sure I'd do it in C2, I might save it for C3. I also dropped the "where" from the last line of V2, not only does that flow better, IMO, but it clarifies the line for me. Do with this what you wish. picosong.com/3wWxBTW, you sang "sometimes" and "turn out" more casually, quicker, which is better than I have here. |
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 3, 2012 9:21:29 GMT -5
Ahhh... hey, you should cover it. It's right up your alley and that sounded really good.
|
|
|
|
Post by bee3 on Nov 4, 2012 13:38:56 GMT -5
Others thoughts on Justin's suggestion for the chorus?
|
|
|
|
Post by oswlek on Nov 4, 2012 15:09:01 GMT -5
I like it. Oh, and I would love to cover this song, it totally speaks to me and played in my head for nearly 5 hours straight yesterday. The more I think about it, the more I want that explosive ending in there, even in the CD version. The thing is, you can't start with a backing track like you have in the current solo, you have to launch into an instrumental based on the verse progression, then use the current solo as the part when the outro is really busting at the seams only to go back to the v or c to end on. This is already a top 100 tune for me, pull off the ending and you'll probably earn top 10 status. |
|
