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Post by oldgitplayer on Nov 4, 2012 17:56:17 GMT -5
I agree that this is song is great. And it is also suited to both Justin D and Justin O's voices.
Here are a few more minor tweaks to consider. They are all about which words to emphasise, and also about dropping some of the superfluous words and let them be inferred.
Words like, It's, just, and, that.
Sometimes I'm good in certain company
Other times I sit awkwardly alone
It may be due to circumstance
I prefer to take a chance alone………..try getting rid of 'That'
Sometimes I feeeeeeel like leeeeetting go……….emphasise 'feel' and 'letting'
Turn out the liiiiiights, tuuuuuurn ooh the stereo……….emphasise 'lights' and 'turn' with a little bit of emphasis on 'on'
Sometimes I'm into reciprocity
Avoiding all animosity... I know
A perfect plan 'cause it works for me……..get rid of 'It's' and keep the emphasis on 'perfect'
In my head where no one else can see... I'm prone……….try getting rid of 'And'.
Sometimes I feeeeeeel like leeeeetting go
Turn out the liiiiiiights, tuuuuurn ooon the stereo
Sometimes I'm good in certain company
Other times I sit awkwardly alone
A perfect plan 'cause it works for me
In my head where no one else can see... I'm prone
Sometimes I feeeeeeel like leeeeetting go
Turn out the liiiiiiights, tuuuuurn ooon the stereo
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Post by oswlek on Nov 4, 2012 18:46:31 GMT -5
Woah, you're going to have to upload a demo of that. Way over my head.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Nov 4, 2012 19:16:48 GMT -5
Sorry - I couldn't possibly do a demo.
Most of the suggestions are about dropping a superfluous word in a line - it just eases the flow.
Some of the emphasised words, you have already done in your demo.
With 'Turn out the liiiiiiights, tuuuuurn ooon the stereo' it's simply putting the emphasis on the verb, 'turn' instead of the preposition, 'on'. - Pure Pat Pattison stuff.
I just thought you might experiment with the phrasing a bit.
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Post by oswlek on Nov 4, 2012 22:28:39 GMT -5
Sorry - I couldn't possibly do a demo. Most of the suggestions are about dropping a superfluous word in a line - it just eases the flow. Some of the emphasised words, you have already done in your demo. With 'Turn out the liiiiiiights, tuuuuurn ooon the stereo' it's simply putting the emphasis on the verb, 'turn' instead of the preposition, 'on'. - Pure Pat Pattison stuff. I just thought you might experiment with the phrasing a bit. I hear you, but "on" is a key word in that phrase. Even when you speak the line, "on" is stressed" more than "turn", so I think I'm following Pat's direction already.  |
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Post by unclenny on Nov 5, 2012 15:14:42 GMT -5
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Post by oswlek on Nov 5, 2012 15:15:23 GMT -5
Len, how'd you get that great dry echo sound?
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 5, 2012 15:37:03 GMT -5
On the other site I voted in favor of Os' version of the chorus: although I think they're both good, his J.O.'s is slightly better. I think Lenny's makes the best use of the lyric, but I'm not sure if it would fit the music as well as the other two. |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 5, 2012 16:21:25 GMT -5
Responded on the other site (although it took about 1/2 hour after I hit reply).  Really am humbled by both yours and Oswlek's versions. Thank you... Yours was a really nice interpretation... and I think totally worked. Just enough Lennyisms in there... |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 5, 2012 16:41:40 GMT -5
Just listened to your original again, Justin. Holy fuck is it incredible. It almost makes me mad that you are this good. Almost.
Envious as hell. <-------
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Post by unclenny on Nov 6, 2012 4:58:57 GMT -5
Len, how'd you get that great dry echo sound? That's just a fairly long delay (timed by ear) on a bus with no modulation. I automated the return to just come up under those specific places. |
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Post by monkeyuncle on Nov 6, 2012 6:37:46 GMT -5
So much has been said already, I'm not sure I can come up with anything of substance to add. But I just wanted to say that this song is frickin' awesome. ;D
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Post by unclenny on Nov 9, 2012 11:38:47 GMT -5
This song is beginning to tick me off big time!!! ;D I have something I'm working on.....but every time I pick up the guitar I end up playing this one.  |
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Post by stickboy on Nov 9, 2012 11:43:55 GMT -5
This song is beginning to tick me off big time!!! ;D I have something I'm working on.....but every time I pick up the guitar I end up playing this one. I PM'd you on here Lenny Do the PMs work? |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 9, 2012 12:52:49 GMT -5
This song is beginning to tick me off big time!!! ;D I have something I'm working on.....but every time I pick up the guitar I end up playing this one. Sweet... I must be doing something right. |
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Post by unclenny on Nov 9, 2012 15:16:57 GMT -5
Yes. I must be doing something right. And....yes. |
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Post by stickboy on Nov 11, 2012 15:12:00 GMT -5
Here's a bit of fun - Got Mr Scraper to send me his vox from his acoustic demo and made a barren/sparse version using them I might do more to it but lenny seems to like the sparseness picosong.com/3Rds |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 11, 2012 17:11:25 GMT -5
That is fantastic. It doesn't need anything, but it makes a great foundation for more layering if you want.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Nov 11, 2012 18:51:55 GMT -5
Here's a bit of fun - Got Mr Scraper to send me his vox from his acoustic demo and made a barren/sparse version using them I might do more to it but lenny seems to like the sparseness This is supercool the way it is. Stick - you have really shown us another side of what a cool and mellow fellow Len really is. |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 11, 2012 19:58:34 GMT -5
Ha! Very cool... Completely not what I expected when I saw the post, but the different chords underlying the melody are just... cool.
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Post by rsadasiv on Nov 11, 2012 20:09:03 GMT -5
Others thoughts on Justin's suggestion for the chorus? Justin is always right. (I just can't decide which Justin)  |
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Post by unclenny on Nov 12, 2012 9:22:04 GMT -5
Lenny REALLY likes the drums. Particularly how the subtle cymbal work carries much of the song. |
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Post by rsadasiv on Nov 12, 2012 10:21:18 GMT -5
Here's a bit of fun - Got Mr Scraper to send me his vox from his acoustic demo and made a barren/sparse version using them I might do more to it but lenny seems to like the sparseness picosong.com/3RdsThis is awesome! |
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Post by leeknight on Nov 12, 2012 10:23:06 GMT -5
Here's a bit of fun - Got Mr Scraper to send me his vox from his acoustic demo and made a barren/sparse version using them I might do more to it but lenny seems to like the sparseness picosong.com/3RdsHa!! That's like a Morcheeba track. But drumless, and a guy singing and... OK, it's not like Morcheeba but it reminded me of them somehow. Man, Stick, I wanna hear this go off with double time D & B style perc work, now I'm hearing Olive. I like this...  |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 12, 2012 11:33:32 GMT -5
Just listened again... in a quiet environment without 6 kids (yes, 6 including nieces and nephews) running around and screaming their heads off.
Really nice... I love the repeated lines to fill out the arrangement.
Almost makes me not want to finish the song... since it's been done already.
Almost.
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Post by stickboy on Nov 12, 2012 11:47:35 GMT -5
Just listened again... in a quiet environment without 6 kids (yes, 6 including nieces and nephews) running around and screaming their heads off. Really nice... I love the repeated lines to fill out the arrangement. Almost makes me not want to finish the song... since it's been done already. Almost. not at all - your original version is very different and is already sounding totally awesome - GET IT FINISHED!! |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 12, 2012 12:06:15 GMT -5
Ditto. Don't tell the others members here, but I still prefer yours over all the rest. Seriously, this is our little secret.
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Post by unclenny on Nov 12, 2012 18:07:14 GMT -5
Seriously, this is our little secret. I heard that!!!! I prefer the original as well.....but it is so very cool that we have all been writing songs together now for so long that the lines are getting blurred. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 12, 2012 19:08:59 GMT -5
Eavesdropper!  |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 13, 2012 8:33:33 GMT -5
So... I've spent two nights cutting vocals on this... and I'm sorry to say that I just can't make Oswlek's suggestions on the first line of the chorus work for me. It doesn't flow... doesn't feel right... and it's tripping me up badly. That said, I can make the second line of the chorus work by emphasizing "Turrrrrnnnnnn on the stereo". So that's where I'm at... I may go against the Pattison grain here and keep the first part as is... it just feels so much better for me... and the way I sing it.  I couldn't bring myself to bounce it down because as it stands now, I don't have a final take. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 13, 2012 11:20:53 GMT -5
Don't mess with the second line.
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