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Post by rickdieffenbach on Nov 1, 2012 8:15:48 GMT -5
HOLD OF ON ANY REVIEW OF THIS, I WILL BE REDOING TOTALLY INTO A NEW SONGGrandson is intended to be a joyful song. :-/This demo has some screwed vocals in parts, off key etc, and some playing errors, but it's enough to convey the idea. Sorry about that.I want to crank up the "joy". Any thoughts on how to do that much appreciated. Balance, mixing etc is just at the 1st cut stage. Grandson (c)2012 Rick Dieffenbach www.rickdieffenbach.com/songplay.aspx?ID=88Grandson V1: I gonna see my grandson and hold him in my arms he’s the kind of a little guy he melts you.. with his charms V2:I’m gonna take an airplane and rise above the clouds ‘cause I’ve been in... this rain so long it’s time to wear a smile <<< melody screwed Jump for joy this little boy ================================== CHORUS #1Birthday cakes celebrate the time in our lives... Seeing him And his bright face makes me want to say ‘everythings... gonna be ok ========================== V3: Many times I wondered was God just mad at me But now I know, this isn’t so He sent this grand baby ================================== CHORUS #2Birthday cakes celebrate the lives in our time <<< slightly different in chorus #2. Melody screwed. Seeing him he bright face makes me want to say ‘everythings... gonna be ok ========================== V4: This airplane’s on the home stretch About to set on down I think I found... just what I need to keep my feet on the ground [CHORUS 1 AGAIN](PS: No ending for the song yet....)
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Post by bee3 on Nov 1, 2012 8:30:13 GMT -5
That is awesome. The bass line, piano combo screams joy. I really love this one.
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Post by stickboy on Nov 1, 2012 8:57:46 GMT -5
Whilst I love this song.... i cant help but feel the music is longing for it to be a xmas song!!
some sleigh bells throughout.... tubular bell rundowns
could you possibly go that way and save these lyrics for another song??
Kinda feels like a slade classic musically
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Post by bee3 on Nov 1, 2012 9:04:17 GMT -5
^ha... he may have a point. Did I mention I love the bass line?
It could accomplish both, right? Spending Christmas with the grandkids?
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Nov 1, 2012 9:27:59 GMT -5
I'll give that some thought. Actually, I like the idea much. Kinda like going to grandmas on a sleigh, but instead, going to the grandkids... Thanks!
Classic music - sticky, any ideas on how to put it on the edgier side of classic?
Thanks all.
I'm off for a walk to think about a christmas tune. And it's teh right time of the year....
Rick
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 1, 2012 9:31:36 GMT -5
Grandson is intended to be a joyful song. :-/This demo has some screwed vocals in parts, off key etc,You're actually a good vocalist, so when I hear hesitation in your voice it's an indication to me that you're not sure of the tune. Have you tried playing the tune to the backing track instead of singing it? That might give you a better handle on your melody. I love the bass, by the way. |
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Post by stickboy on Nov 1, 2012 9:34:12 GMT -5
Classic music - sticky, any ideas on how to put it on the edgier side of classic? Hmm I think you walk a similar line to me in that no matter how edgy the music may sound it is always going to be less edgy when we sing. Don't try and force edgy, just do your own thing You do it well |
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Nov 1, 2012 10:59:40 GMT -5
Thanks.
LCK - yea, I am still working melody, I know that still needs substantial hammering out. But I wanted to place it on the board for some early comments before solifiying too many things. I have been running this as a instrumental for a couple for days and am struggling with some aspects of it melodically. But hopefully will come together.
Stick - thanks - the more I think about it, the more a classic sound would be a good thing for a christmas song.
This is fun! Thank you all!
Rick
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Nov 1, 2012 11:17:03 GMT -5
HOLD OFF ON ANY REVIEW OF THIS SONG, I WILL BE WORKING IT AS A CHRISTMAS TUNE. THANK YOU STICK GREAT IDEA.
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Post by oswlek on Nov 1, 2012 11:32:36 GMT -5
Yeah, it screams Christmas at you. I hope you keep the grandson as part of it, though, it is a unique angle for that kind of tune.
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Post by stickboy on Nov 1, 2012 11:40:14 GMT -5
I think the first two verses are working just fine
V1: I gonna see my grandson
and hold him in my arms
he’s the kind of a little guy
he melts you.. with his charms
V2:
I’m gonna take an airplane
and rise above the clouds
‘cause I’ve been in... this SNOW so long
it’s time to wear a smile
There are a few other bits that are gonna also work im sure
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Post by oswlek on Nov 1, 2012 12:13:38 GMT -5
I think the first two verses are working just fine V1: I gonna see my grandson and hold him in my arms he’s the kind of a little guy he melts you.. with his charms V2: I’m gonna take an airplane and rise above the clouds ‘cause I’ve been in... this SNOW so long it’s time to wear a smile There are a few other bits that are gonna also work im sure I think you need to introduce Christmas in that first verse. Something like: V1: I gonna see my grandson
and hold him in my arms
he’s my Christmas angel
he melts me with his charmsI also don't think "I've been in the (anything) too long, it's time to wear a smile" works. It isn't necessary to say anything like that, IMO. Maybe... V2:
I’m gonna take an airplane
Or maybe I'll catch a sleigh
Rising through the clouds
Merrily on my wayor I'm finally on my wayRick, just a reminder to watch the prosody. |
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 1, 2012 14:07:38 GMT -5
I think the first two verses are working just fine V1: I gonna see my grandson and hold him in my arms he’s the kind of a little guy he melts you.. with his charms V2: I’m gonna take an airplane and rise above the clouds ‘cause I’ve been in... this SNOW so long it’s time to wear a smile There are a few other bits that are gonna also work im sure I think you need to introduce Christmas in that first verse. Something like: V1: I gonna see my grandson
and hold him in my arms
he’s my Christmas angel
he melts me with his charmsI also don't think "I've been in the (anything) too long, it's time to wear a smile" works. It isn't necessary to say anything like that, IMO. Maybe... V2:
I’m gonna take an airplane
Or maybe I'll catch a sleigh
Rising through the clouds
Merrily on my wayor I'm finally on my wayGreat ideas. |
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