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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 12:07:07 GMT -5
Like everyone else I was blindsided by recent weather events along the east coast. While my neighborhood saw minimal damage, the overall devastation is astronomic. So I went back to an earlier, darker version of the lyric for this song. Thoughts? Intro.Once upon a happy time I rode the summer breeze. Then that breeze turned on a dime and drove me to my knees. V.1Cruel Wind, you swept in from the sea. You destined me to be adrift and wounded; your restless tune did that to me. V.2Cruel Wind, you shook the rafters bare. You took my love somewhere, my one and only, and left me lonely, Cruel Wind. Bridge.Before you came her arms were warm, warmer than the month of May. But your never ending storm sent that gal flying far away. V.3Now, Cruel Wind, you howl and sting my eyes. You echo her goodbyes with gusts of sorrow. Can’t see tomorrow, Cruel Wind. Outro.You heartless thing, Wind, when will a spring wind blow these tears away? Words and Music © 2012 by Lee Charles Kelley & Michael DiFebbo
West Sixty Ninth Street Music (ASCAP) |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 12:20:33 GMT -5
I think this was my favorite version and your performance is exemplary. I wish you had a better system because this take could be a final version if properly recorded. Downloading as we speak.
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 12:21:55 GMT -5
I wish you had a better system because this take could be a final version if properly recorded. One of these days... |
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Post by leeknight on Oct 31, 2012 12:27:34 GMT -5
Perfect.
Not crazy about "the month of may". I think I'd prefer something less songwritery.
Before you came her arms were warm,
Warmer than May.
But your never ending storm
Sent that gal flying far away.
Great lyric.
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Post by bee3 on Oct 31, 2012 13:21:41 GMT -5
My only gripe is sent that gal flying far away.
Gal is too Sinatra like in my opinion. A bit too much of a cop off of something Sinatra would sing...
Could be as simple as saying 'girl'.
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 13:31:40 GMT -5
My only gripe is sent that gal flying far away. Gal is too Sinatra like in my opinion. A bit too much of a cop off of something Sinatra would sing... Could be as simple as saying 'girl'. I get you. |
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Post by bee3 on Oct 31, 2012 13:33:12 GMT -5
Other than that... I think it's great. Nice vocal too. Let's get you some recording software...  |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 13:34:10 GMT -5
I echo both lyric comments above.
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Post by leeknight on Oct 31, 2012 13:46:01 GMT -5
I always admire the idea and Lee's execution of writing in the American Songbook style. The key, I believe, is to first write great in the style of Porter, Ira, etc. Like LCK. And... I feel, to avoid the trappings and outdated speech of those songs so the work is new and vital. Lee does that too. Almost always. It's the little details, the gals and what not that must be almost impossible to avoid. They are as ingrained in the tradition as "baby" is to rock and roll. And yet, I love your stuff when you manage to write at that level while steering clear of those little "tells". Yeah, this really is a good lyric. Avoiding those "gals" and "month of Mays" is a good thing I think. |
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 31, 2012 14:28:01 GMT -5
Before you came her arms were warm, warmer than an August day. But your never ending storm sent my baby flying far away.  |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 31, 2012 14:33:29 GMT -5
Before you came her arms were warm, warmer than an August day. But your never ending storm sent my baby flying far away. I think 'baby' falls in with 'gal'. To me, your lyrics are successful when you work the genre, but in contemporary vernacular. |
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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 31, 2012 14:46:20 GMT -5
Nice version, and glad to hear you are ok.
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Post by oswlek on Oct 31, 2012 14:49:09 GMT -5
I agree about "baby". At this point, I think I'll set up a bot that just reposts everything OGP says in my name.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 31, 2012 14:55:39 GMT -5
At this point, I think I'll set up a bot that just reposts everything OGP says in my name. ;D |
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Post by unclenny on Nov 1, 2012 18:12:51 GMT -5
A few things.......
This is a classic Lee Charles Kelley song. The Sinatraisms are inevitable but he does them in his own way. 'Gal' works for me as does 'month of May'.
Regarding recording quality......these songs stand up strong because of the way they are performed.
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 1, 2012 22:54:05 GMT -5
A bit of an upgrade.
There was once a happy time
when I rode the summer breeze.
Then that breeze turned on a dime
and drove me to my knees.
Cruel Wind,
you swept in from the sea,
destined me to be
adrift and wounded.
Your restless tune did
that to me.
Cruel Wind,
you shook the rafters bare,
took my love somewhere,
my one and only,
and left me lonely,
Cruel Wind.
Before you came, as I recall,
her arms could warm a winter's day.
But your never ending squall
sent my lover flying far away.
And now, Cruel Wind,
you howl and sting my eyes,
you echo her goodbyes
with gusts of sorrow.
Can't see tomorrow,
Cruel Wind.
You heartless thing, Wind,
when will a spring wind
blow these tears away?
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Post by oldgitplayer on Nov 1, 2012 23:07:58 GMT -5
I think it's reached the point of being as good as it can be, but there is one line bothering me. And permit me to be pedantic for a moment.
But your never ending squall
A squall is something that suddenly arises out of nowhere, but calling it 'never ending' is somewhat of a contradiction in terms.
In one way the contradiction can be taken as purposeful, but I tend to want to simply reinforce the nature of what a squall is.
Say:
But your unexpected squall
Something to consider........
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 2, 2012 8:25:02 GMT -5
A squall is something that suddenly arises out of nowhere, but calling it 'never ending' is somewhat of a contradiction in terms. In one way the contradiction can be taken as purposeful Yes, that was quite intentional on my part. |
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Post by rsadasiv on Nov 2, 2012 8:31:09 GMT -5
A bit of an upgrade. There was once a happy time when I rode the summer breeze. Then that breeze turned on a dime and drove me to my knees. Cruel Wind, you swept in from the sea, destined me to be adrift and wounded. Your restless tune did that to me. Cruel Wind, you shook the rafters bare, took my love somewhere, my one and only, and left me lonely, Cruel Wind. Before you came, as I recall, her arms could warm a winter's day. But your never ending squall sent my lover flying far away. And now, Cruel Wind, you howl and sting my eyes, you echo her goodbyes with gusts of sorrow. Can't see tomorrow, Cruel Wind. You heartless thing, Wind, when will a spring wind blow these tears away? I like this version a lot. IIRC we'd talked (in a previous version) about personifying the wind and making that a symbol of the beloved and I think you have accomplished that here. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 8:33:50 GMT -5
This is great stuff, Lee. Are you going to post a demo for us to download with the updated lyric?
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 2, 2012 8:40:47 GMT -5
This is great stuff, Lee. Are you going to post a demo for us to download with the updated lyric? I might. It depends on how my voice is doing. The last demo was done with a partial cold. My head's a bit stuffier today. |
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Post by oswlek on Nov 2, 2012 8:46:50 GMT -5
How's the area around you Lee? Are you able to get out and about where you are?
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 2, 2012 9:00:05 GMT -5
How's the area around you Lee? Are you able to get out and about where you are? Thanks for asking. In my neighborhood we just had what amounted to a heavy rain storm. However, it's just very disconcerting to see how much damage there was on the Jersey Shore and out on Long Island, not to mention the lack of power downtown and the fact that the subway system has been crippled. Most of the dogs are very agitated. People are in survival mode. Everyone is still in a state of shock. |
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Post by monkeyuncle on Nov 6, 2012 6:30:24 GMT -5
I really like this one a lot. Although it's definitely in the "Sinatra song" style, the little twists in the melody make it sound fresh to my ears. And FWIW, I like your upgraded lyric best.
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Post by mrkelley on Nov 6, 2012 9:34:50 GMT -5
I really like this one a lot. Although it's definitely in the "Sinatra song" style, the little twists in the melody make it sound fresh to my ears. And FWIW, I like your upgraded lyric best. Thanks.  |
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