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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 29, 2012 14:23:22 GMT -5
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 29, 2012 14:27:26 GMT -5
Really? Did I hear you sing
a photon trapped inside the dark
between the charmed and the strange quark ?
That's excellent! Very cool!
You HAVE to post the whole lyric!
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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 29, 2012 14:32:18 GMT -5
4:33
Jazz and blues and rock and roll
Dance and trance and blue eyed soul
A silence here inside of me
I'm stuck playing 4:33
Europe, Asia and the road
Chicago in the winter's cold
The places people want to see
But nowhere is the place for me
You'll know me out here by my wink
A laugh or tear into your drink
A photon trapped inside the dark
Between the charmed and the strange quark
I'm packing up, I'm going home
Nowhere bound, to each his own
The silence has returned to me
I'm stuck inside 4:33
I'm going to add silence to the end to make the track length 4:33.
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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 29, 2012 14:39:27 GMT -5
Wow, I've gotta do something about all the ess sounds.
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 29, 2012 14:39:46 GMT -5
4:33 Jazz and blues and rock and roll Dance and trance and blue eyed soul A silence here inside of me I'm stuck playing 4:33 Europe, Asia and the road Chicago in the winter's cold The places people want to see But nowhere is the place for me You'll know me out here by my wink A laugh or tear into your drink A photon trapped inside the dark Between the charmed and the strange quark I'm packing up, I'm going home Nowhere bound, to each his own The silence has returned to me I'm stuck inside 4:33 I'm going to add silence to the end to make the track length 4:33. Yes, that would be one way to get there. The other would be to have a break of some kind. It seems to me that the verses and the chorus are a bit too similar at this point. Yes? A little more melodic variation? Also, maybe: You'll know me out here by my wink
A smile or tear dropped in your drink
A photon trapped inside the dark
trying to charm the cute strange quark ? |
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Post by leeknight on Oct 29, 2012 16:58:33 GMT -5
Wow, I've gotta do something about all the ess sounds. No you DON'T!!! That is awesome! It is great to hear you like this! more! It is so hard for audio nerds like you and me to sometimes leave it... alone! You've got the spark in a bottle. Don't douse it with some polishing solution. Add to it? Sure... of course. But don't kill this. This is golden. Take this... and extend, embellish, illuminate, but don't rub it away with compound. Very, very... nice. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 29, 2012 17:32:55 GMT -5
Cool song you old Godpoet.
Is 4.33 a random number to rhyme with me, or does it have another significance?
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Post by rsadasiv on Oct 29, 2012 17:40:16 GMT -5
4:33 is a conceptual piece by John Cage. The audience comes in and listens to silence (or whatever noises happen to occur in the auditorium) for four minutes and thirty three seconds. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B3 |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 29, 2012 17:48:45 GMT -5
Ah - Mr Cage - I should have guessed!
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Oct 30, 2012 6:00:10 GMT -5
Musically, its a solid base to start from. Enjoyable melody, and chordage that grabs me and pulls me right along.
Still needs a chorus I think? Something to launch in a different direction.
Rick
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Post by unclenny on Oct 31, 2012 15:56:49 GMT -5
Really? Did I hear you sing a photon trapped inside the dark
between the charmed and the strange quark ? HA! Now THAT is a lyric!!  |
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Post by graceslick on Oct 31, 2012 23:53:09 GMT -5
HAH! You just like it cause the song made your own words famous! lol
This IS a cool song. I very much enjoyed it.
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Post by shadowsofbirds on Nov 1, 2012 0:57:54 GMT -5
Awesome. I was just thinking that I'd like to put some of John Cages "chance" compositions on my to do list. Fascinating guy. I like mrkelly's idea of a break in the middle. Maybe one that is just a little bit too long and comes in on the back beat so that the listner's forced to notice the silence.  |
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Post by bee3 on Nov 1, 2012 7:56:24 GMT -5
Cool tune.  |
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Post by rsadasiv on Nov 1, 2012 8:09:21 GMT -5
Thanks all. I'll try and do something else on the bridge to make it stand out more.
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