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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 19:51:07 GMT -5
Oldgitplayer does a pop song.
With the appropriate music, do you think it can be made to work?
Half angel / half devil
Chorus :
I'm half angel and / half devil
Live in between all the why when and how
I'm half angel and / half devil
So which side of me //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent)
Are you wanting right now?
Verse 1 :
I treat you good / I treat you bad
But you're the sweetest fruit / I ever had
I chop your wood / I cook your food
Know just what / can change your mood
Chorus :
I'm half angel and / half devil
Live in between all the why when and how
I'm half angel and / half devil
So which side of me //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent)
Are you wanting right now?
Verse 2 :
I wash your car / and drive you far
Make you forget / just what you are
I sweep your hearth / and run your bath
Then lead you up / the garden path
Chorus Outro 1 :
I guess you're also / half angel and / half devil
Don't ask me why / but I feel it somehow
That you're / half angel and / half devil
No guessing which side of you //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent)
I am wanting right now.
Chorus Outro 2 :
We're both / half angel and / half devil
Don't ask me why / but I feel it somehow
We're both / half angel and / half devil
No guessing which side of us //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent)
(musical mischief to finish the sentence.....)
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Post by rickdieffenbach on Oct 28, 2012 20:20:56 GMT -5
I like the concept - half angel half devil. It sets up a good conflict.
Verse 1 I like much - its strong and cool.
Verse 2 - the rhyming scheme... is different than verse 1 (that's ok in my book), but the verse 2 rhyme itself seems to me to be a bit too simple... car far, bath path...
Need some music, Maestro!
Rick
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 20:26:51 GMT -5
I like the concept - half angel half devil. It sets up a good conflict. Need some music, Maestro! Rick Yep - I think I haven't developed the conflict or antithesis enough in the verses. I'm happy with the chorus variations, but there's some lost opportunity in the verses that hasn't come to me yet. Music !!! Maestro!!! - I've got running shoes for lyrics, but with music I'm still crawling. |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 28, 2012 22:35:02 GMT -5
The chorus is cool, verses are weak.
How about switching the angel/devil paring the second time around?
I'm half angel and / half devil
Live in between all the why when and how
I'm half devil and / half angel
So which side of me //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent)
Are you wanting right now?
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 22:41:56 GMT -5
The chorus is cool, verses are weak. How about switching the angel/devil paring the second time around? I'm half angel and / half devil Live in between all the why when and how I'm half devil and / half angelSo which side of me //// (4 beats – 3 bass drum / 1 silent) Are you wanting right now? I tried this during the writing, but I think being pop, maybe the repetition of the line is more apropo. I agree on the verses being a bit meh. Once I get some music going...  ....I'll revisit the verses. Thanks for the input. |
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Post by oswlek on Oct 28, 2012 22:43:58 GMT -5
You could make the switch work nicely by tweaking the delivery. I can imagine someone like David Lee Roth or Steve Tyler sellng it very well.
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Post by shadowsofbirds on Oct 28, 2012 22:46:44 GMT -5
throughout most of it I was thinking "the perspective is interesting - usually you'd expect it to be YOU'RE half angel half devil" then the end came and it all became clear.
I feel like there's a perfect setup though that you could pay off with a quick line at the end. The relationship between two people who are half angel half devil sort of implies the dynamic of two devils, two angels, an angel and a devil always missing each other, alternating victimhood, alternating whatever the antonym of victimhood is.. SOMETHING, yah?
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 22:53:07 GMT -5
throughout most of it I was thinking "the perspective is interesting - usually you'd expect it to be YOU'RE half angel half devil" then the end came and it all became clear. I feel like there's a perfect setup though that you could pay off with a quick line at the end. The relationship between two people who are half angel half devil sort of implies the dynamic of two devils, two angels, an angel and a devil always missing each other, alternating victimhood, alternating whatever the antonym of victimhood is.. SOMETHING, yah? Yeehah! - I spend my time writing in the swamps of the serious and complex, so I'm naturally going to stew on your idea for a bit. I did however, set out to write a simple pop song with an intelligent idea - so I've been keeping it simple (which is a discipline for me). It's been pointed out to me before that my songs tend to lean towards too much philosophy and too much Shakespeare, with an overall tendency to the abstract......  But thanks for the idea - it's parked in my sub-conscious. |
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Post by shadowsofbirds on Oct 28, 2012 23:14:34 GMT -5
Well you don't have to pay it off with "And when I'm the devil half I will BREAK off your angel wings and EAT THEM!".  I'm sure there's something light and fluffy to pay it off with - it just seems like it's an interesting idea setup and ready to be knocked down. Shame to waste it. |
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Post by mrkelley on Oct 29, 2012 14:46:17 GMT -5
I like the perspective of it being about the singer. When I saw the title I thought, "Uh-oh, here we go again..." Then when I read the first line I thought "Huh, now this could be interesting." I'm not crazy about this line though (it sounds too writerly) : Live in between all the why when and howI know you were going for the rhyme with now on the last line. Maybe you could work up something more interesting, like I'm half bull, half sacred cow  ? |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 29, 2012 18:10:02 GMT -5
I like the perspective of it being about the singer. When I saw the title I thought, "Uh-oh, here we go again..." Then when I read the first line I thought "Huh, now this could be interesting." I'm not crazy about this line though (it sounds too writerly) : Live in between all the why when and howI know you were going for the rhyme with now on the last line. Maybe you could work up something more interesting, like I'm half bull, half sacred cow ? Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm not that keen on it. It would make the 1st 3 lines all saying half this and half that. Although I don't have a proper melody yet, I'm fixed on the line rhythms : I'm half angel and (pause) half devil Live in between all the why when and how (long rattled off line) I'm half angel and (pause) half devil So which side of me (long pause) Are you wanting right now? (rattled off line). So my hunch is that I can make it work this way in a strong rhythmic manner. |
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....I'll revisit the verses.
