Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 27, 2012 18:01:49 GMT -5
EDIT : Verse 3 now added
Here's today's effort starting to take shape.
It's me trying to loosen up a bit.
Do you think the song is going to work?
Please comment - good, bad or indifferent
Melody
Intro
V1
On a sultry Friday evening
I shelved life's questionnaire
And stepped into the fading light
Smelled adventure in the air
I felt the need for action
Excitement pulsed the veins
That momentary madness
When no-one holds the reins
V2
Somewhere a sax was playing
Deep inside the groove
A song cut through the clam'ring street
And prompted my next move
To a room both dark and moody
Where in the soft stage light
I spied a vision splendid
And felt the passion bite
Chorus
People call her Melody
But she's a rhythm queen
Knows how to move her hands and feet
And everything between.
V3
She sang without an effort
Her movements were the same
Voice and body making music
Steady as a flame
Marinated by desire
And music in my head
I walked out into the night
Replaying things she said
Chorus
People call her Melody
But she's a rhythm queen
Knows how to move her hands and feet
And everything between.
Outro with spontaneous vocals over
Here's today's effort starting to take shape.
It's me trying to loosen up a bit.
Do you think the song is going to work?
Please comment - good, bad or indifferent
Melody
Intro
V1
On a sultry Friday evening
I shelved life's questionnaire
And stepped into the fading light
Smelled adventure in the air
I felt the need for action
Excitement pulsed the veins
That momentary madness
When no-one holds the reins
V2
Somewhere a sax was playing
Deep inside the groove
A song cut through the clam'ring street
And prompted my next move
To a room both dark and moody
Where in the soft stage light
I spied a vision splendid
And felt the passion bite
Chorus
People call her Melody
But she's a rhythm queen
Knows how to move her hands and feet
And everything between.
V3
She sang without an effort
Her movements were the same
Voice and body making music
Steady as a flame
Marinated by desire
And music in my head
I walked out into the night
Replaying things she said
Chorus
People call her Melody
But she's a rhythm queen
Knows how to move her hands and feet
And everything between.
Outro with spontaneous vocals over
you used the words "evening" and "air" in the 1st verse, and again in the 2nd. A simple solution might be to replace this: 