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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 9, 2013 14:15:15 GMT -5
I'm pretty much fully retired now, and thinking about some changes.
So I thought I might write a song. (What else can a poor boy do?).
Turn another corner
Chorus: (or Verse with tag line)
Walking down the street
That stretches out before me
Wondering who I'll meet
And what I might see
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner
In my life
Do you think the 'Turn another corner' is an interesting enough metaphor, or should I explore some more?
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Post by stickboy on Jan 9, 2013 15:01:23 GMT -5
Its a good start
Id probably avoid "walking down the street" since to crop up in a million songs
maybe change the "walking down" to something else?
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 9, 2013 15:19:13 GMT -5
I need 'street' in the line as a setup for turning the corner.
How about 'Ambling 'long the street'?
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Post by stickboy on Jan 9, 2013 15:36:55 GMT -5
I need 'street' in the line as a setup for turning the corner. How about 'Ambling 'long the street'? yeh i suggested leaving the "street" how about something like "another endless/busy/crowded street" |
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Post by stickboy on Jan 9, 2013 15:37:53 GMT -5
or
this same old endless street
then it kind of sets up for a change of direction (turning a corner)
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 9, 2013 15:41:16 GMT -5
or this same old endless street then it kind of sets up for a change of direction (turning a corner) Thanks - I think this is a good direction. |
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Post by stickboy on Jan 9, 2013 15:43:37 GMT -5
How about:
THIS SAME OLD ENDLESS STREET
stretchING out before me
KNOWING who I'll meet
And what I'M GONNA see
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner
In my life
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 9, 2013 16:05:45 GMT -5
^^^
That's very good Stick - it sets up the same old, same old mood and the need for change.
It's a good opening verse to make the listener wonder where he might go.
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Post by mrkelley on Jan 9, 2013 16:50:14 GMT -5
How about: THIS SAME OLD ENDLESS STREET stretchING out before me KNOWING who I'll meet And what I'M GONNA see Everything running straight But it's never too late To turn another corner In my life  |
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Post by monkeyuncle on Jan 10, 2013 6:36:09 GMT -5
How about: THIS SAME OLD ENDLESS STREET stretchING out before me KNOWING who I'll meet And what I'M GONNA see Everything running straight But it's never too late To turn another corner In my life I'd leave out the "in my life" line, which seems like too much explanantion of the metaphor. Otherwise, I like it. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 10, 2013 14:09:30 GMT -5
Uncle - You are right - it is a line 'redundant' to the needs of the verse, and could be replaced with a musical phrase to round off the verse.
I'll try both when I get into music mode.
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Post by leeknight on Jan 10, 2013 14:20:53 GMT -5
How about: THIS SAME OLD ENDLESS STREET stretchING out before me KNOWING who I'll meet And what I'M GONNA see Everything running straight But it's never too late To turn another corner In my life I'd leave out the "in my life" line, which seems like too much explanantion of the metaphor. Otherwise, I like it. What he said ^ |
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Post by rsadasiv on Jan 10, 2013 14:28:00 GMT -5
Yeah, turn another corner right into the meat of the song.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 10, 2013 20:56:03 GMT -5
Yeah, turn another corner right into the meat of the song. I'm trying different approaches to the 'meat' of the song - but you are right, the 'turn another corner' is the exit from the opening verse, straight into the make or break content. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 11, 2013 10:35:36 GMT -5
Ideas...
This same old endless street
Stretching out before me
Knowing who I'll meet
And what I'm gonna see
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner
(not the words but the idea of extending the metaphor)
This sky framed by buildings
Telescoping into the heights
Aren't the heavens free?
But here they're tidy and packaged for me
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner
B section playing off turning corners and going new directions
final A section:
This same old endless sleep
xxx
xxx
xxx
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 11, 2013 17:58:53 GMT -5
^^^
Ha - Mr Knight, we both went down the same route of AABA using the last 3 lines as a Refrain in each verse.
The only difference being I wrote an alternate 1st line to those 3 lines in every verse.
But you did the same as me - I covered the same familiar ground in Verses 2 & 3 that was already covered in Verse 1.
So I'm exploring the 'big idea' that this song needs to be about.
You and I discussed this in an earlier thread. It's too easy to write songs with little ideas.
So thanks for the input, but I'm aiming higher.
With only a 2 line Refrain, I might launch into a Chorus at the end of V1 and write the song as ABABCB.
V1 will be the setup verse, but I won't return to that theme until the Bridge where there will probably be a universal bit of street wisdom.
We'll see what develops. I don't mind song ideas fomenting for weeks before they take their final shape.
It gives time for the Muse to get to me while she does her busy rounds. But I think she might be hanging out at Stick's place a lot nowadays.
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Post by leeknight on Jan 11, 2013 18:28:47 GMT -5
Nice! For what it's worth... to me, the "big idea" is how life can be a straight line, follow the map sort of affair, but we always have the option to "turn the corner". It feels like that is what you are saying already, and to me, that is a "big idea". |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 11, 2013 18:53:31 GMT -5
^^^
You are right - straight line / turn the corner is a big idea, but I feel I need to develop it further with something that grabs and holds the listener's attention.
I'm toying with a chorus that says, But forget the perfect girl, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect friends, the perfect town etc.
The utopian dream is just a utopian dream.
And then the Bridge will have the 'wisdom' - the truth that can be the reality. All in street level language.
Anyway that's where I'm thinking of going at the moment. It could change with the next cup of coffee.
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Post by leeknight on Jan 11, 2013 19:02:43 GMT -5
^^^ You are right - straight line / turn the corner is a big idea, but I feel I need to develop it further with something that grabs and holds the listener's attention. I'm toying with a chorus that says, But forget the perfect girl, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect friends, the perfect town etc. The utopian dream is just a utopian dream. And then the Bridge will have the 'wisdom' - the truth that can be the reality. All in street level language. Anyway that's where I'm thinking of going at the moment. It could change with the next cup of coffee. " All in street level language." I think ^that^ will be what makes it. Write like you speak. These kinds of sentiments can be either maudlin and preachy if too poetic, or... profound if spoken as an everyday truth and mild but substantial revelation at breakfast, for instance. I'd "go small" to speak big with this one. Just a thought. Looking forward to its development. I kinda want to work on this one instead, as I feel more akin to its sentiments. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 11, 2013 19:22:49 GMT -5
I kinda want to work on this one instead, as I feel more akin to its sentiments. I'd love to collaborate with you on this. It can be a sort of street level Tao Te Ching song. I know that's on your page. Let me complete my 1st pass at the lyric, and then we can look at a joint edit. But I'd like you to be Mr. Music, and I'll just heckle from the sidelines. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 14, 2013 18:03:20 GMT -5
A little progress this morning :
More Verses and Bridge still to be written.
Lee - It might be enough to get you going with a 1st pass at some music.
Turn another corner
V1
This same old endless street
Stretching out before me
Knowing who I'll meet
And what I'm gonna see
Everything running straight
But it's never too late
To turn another corner.
(riff closes measure)
Ch
Not trying to hope here
For some sweet utopia
With perfect girls, perfect job, and friends
Just want the freedom
Create my own Eden
Where this tired old routine will come to an end
Possible lines for other Verses preceding Refrain:
But it's never too late
To turn another corner.
An existence driven fate
Just another tollgate
Easy to procrastinate
When too much has to wait
Too easy to stagnate
Watch your dream evaporate
Weary of endless debate
As the world disintegrates
Another game at stalemate
Too soon for life's checkmate
The self-same hook, a different bait
Dangling on the counterweight
No reason to backdate
Before nature repatriates
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Post by bee3 on Jan 15, 2013 6:14:55 GMT -5
"as the world disentegrates"
Can you make do without the 's'. maybe "see the world disentegrate" or "feel the world disentegrate".
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Post by leeknight on Jan 15, 2013 9:40:56 GMT -5
Wow! I'm digging this. BTW, "hope here" and utopia is genius! How about some run on rhythm stuff?
Not trying to hope here
For some sweet utopia
With perfect girls, perfect job, and friends
Just want the freedom then
To create my own Eden then
This in between, same scene, tired old routine
Will come to an end
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Post by rsadasiv on Jan 15, 2013 10:09:30 GMT -5
A little progress this morning : More Verses and Bridge still to be written. Lee - It might be enough to get you going with a 1st pass at some music. Turn another corner V1 This same old endless street Stretching out before me Knowing who I'll meet And what I'm gonna see Everything running straight But it's never too late To turn another corner. (riff closes measure) Ch Not trying to hope here For some sweet utopia With perfect girls, perfect job, and friends Just want the freedom Create my own Eden Where this tired old routine will come to an end Possible lines for other Verses preceding Refrain: But it's never too late To turn another corner. An existence driven fate
Just another tollgate
Easy to procrastinate
When too much has to wait
Too easy to stagnate
Watch your dream evaporate
Weary of endless debate
As the world disintegrates
Another game at stalemate
Too soon for life's checkmate
The self-same hook, a different bait
Dangling on the counterweight
No reason to backdate
Before nature repatriatesToo abstract. Make it personal. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 15, 2013 10:15:32 GMT -5
Something to consider. Your original has a stress pattern of 3 per line. It's pretty even and symetriical. But note that by going with a common meter pattern (I'm adding syllables to create it) of 4 stress line... then 3 stress line... then 4 then 3, when we switch to two 3 stress lines it breaks up that pattern, just as the lyric is offering an alternative. Those consecutive 3 stress lines then dump into the title... to turn another corner
This same old same old endless street 4
Stretching out before me 3
Already knowing who I'll meet 4
And what I'm gonna see 3
Everything runs in straight lines 3
But no it's never too late to... 3
Turn another corner.
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Post by leeknight on Jan 15, 2013 11:02:59 GMT -5
V1
This same old same old endless street
Stretching out before me
Already knowing who I'll meet
And what I'm gonna see
Everything runs in straight lines
But no it's never too late to...
C?
Turn another corner
Take another trip
I'll step aroud the icy patch
Careful not to slip
It all comes into to focus
And I keep getting warmer
So I'll turn another corner
V2
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 15, 2013 11:29:10 GMT -5
Wow! I'm digging this. BTW, "hope here" and utopia is genius! How about some run on rhythm stuff? Not trying to hope here For some sweet utopia With perfect girls, perfect job, and friends Just want the freedom then To create my own Eden then This in between, same scene, tired old routine Will come to an end Glad you are liking this. Your idea is good - I'll re-look at it and see if there are any more possible improvements on what you've got. Line 6 doesn't feel it's there yet. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 15, 2013 11:36:15 GMT -5
Something to consider. Your original has a stress pattern of 3 per line. It's pretty even and symetriical. But note that by going with a common meter pattern (I'm adding syllables to create it) of 4 stress line... then 3 stress line... then 4 then 3, when we switch to two 3 stress lines it breaks up that pattern, just as the lyric is offering an alternative. Those consecutive 3 stress lines then dump into the title... to turn another corner This same old same old endless street 4 Stretching out be fore me 3 Al ready knowing who I'll meet 4 And what I'm gonna see 3 Everything runs in straight lines 3 But no it's never too late to... 3 Turn another corner. This looks good as well (on paper). We need to get some provisional music going to see which rhythm pattern works best with the chorus rhythm pattern, and the refrain repeated at the end of each verse. Anyway - that's how I need to work. Words are easy to change and rearrange. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 15, 2013 11:44:57 GMT -5
I will hash around a couple ideas on guitar tonight and post something when it clicks...
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 15, 2013 11:48:53 GMT -5
An existence driven fate Just another tollgate Easy to procrastinate When too much has to wait Too easy to stagnate Watch your dream evaporate Weary of endless debate As the world disintegrates Another game at stalemate Too soon for life's checkmate The self-same hook, a different bait Dangling on the counterweight No reason to backdate Before nature repatriates Sorry - judging by a couple of responses, it might have looked like this was proposed as a verse or something. It's actually just a list of individual line ideas I brainstormed to precede the refrain of 'But it's never too late'. I will only be using 1 or 2 of them. |
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