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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 15, 2013 11:50:29 GMT -5
I will hash around a couple ideas on guitar tonight and post something when it clicks... You are the man.......  |
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Post by marshall on Jan 15, 2013 12:49:25 GMT -5
Its a good start Id probably avoid "walking down the street" since to crop up in a million songs maybe change the "walking down" to something else? "Heading down the street" works. You could be walking or driving or whatever. Walking conjures up a sedentary change of scenery. Things change much more quickly behind the wheel. But we don't normally meet people driving. So, heading down the street, to me may leave things open ended enough without precluding bumping into somebody. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 16, 2013 17:29:30 GMT -5
Hey OGP, I think I've got a good idea musically for that verse. Working on the chorus that I believe should have a more hookcentric idea based around the title. Update soon.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 16, 2013 17:45:37 GMT -5
Excellent.
And if we need a Bridge :
Ch
Not trying to hope here
For some sweet utopia
Find perfect love, the perfect job, and friends
Just want the freedom to
Create my own Eden
So this tired old routine can end
Bridge
Time, time, time, is on the run
While dreams evaporate
And too much has to wait
The self-same hook, a different bait
Pretending it has only just begun
or the Bridge lyric idea can be converted to a Verse.
I can craft the lyric to whatever you produce musically.
We can use your meter or my meter or a combination of both. I'm easy.
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Post by leeknight on Jan 16, 2013 17:56:33 GMT -5
Very cool. I'd like to see the verbiage of anything negative in the past tense. I'm seeing a positive slant on this. An uplifting kind of thing. What do you think?
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 16, 2013 20:00:59 GMT -5
Very cool. I'd like to see the verbiage of anything negative in the past tense. I'm seeing a positive slant on this. An uplifting kind of thing. What do you think? There are alternative approaches: 1. The singer is showing what it was like (negative) then shifting to 'it's all good' (positive) or 2. The song is a song of possibilities, so that anyone singing it, identifies with the situation (which is their present situation) and turns positively in the direction out of their situation. I favour the latter because it is about affirmative action for the singer, rather than a positive story about somebody else. Regardless - we are both on the same page about it being uplifting, and the mood of the music needs to be carrying this idea. |
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Post by mrkelley on Jan 16, 2013 22:15:32 GMT -5
Excellent. And if we need a Bridge : Ch Not trying to hope here For some sweet utopia Find perfect love, the perfect job, and friends Just want the freedom to Create my own Eden So this tired old routine can end Bridge Time, time, time, is on the run While dreams evaporate And too much has to wait The self-same hook, a different bait Pretending it has only just begun or the Bridge lyric idea can be converted to a Verse. Just wanted to jump in here and say there are some really cool lyrical ideas floating around here. Really nice work so far... |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 16, 2013 22:49:14 GMT -5
Just wanted to jump in here and say there are some really cool lyrical ideas floating around here. Really nice work so far... Thanks - It always helps to hear that one could be on the right track. I also feel motivated, because I feel privileged to work with such a talented musician as Mr Knight. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 18, 2013 15:50:40 GMT -5
OK... this is just what's been in my head. A whole new chorus lyric only because my mind kept going to this sort of musical release section that sounded a lot like a chorus. Is this something you can refine lyrically or do we need to reconsider direction?
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Post by leeknight on Jan 18, 2013 17:09:18 GMT -5
Obviously, or not so, I turned the song title into a chorus focus. I like that. A simple, distilling and uplifting section, that takes the more complex ideas you've outlined, and "turns another corner".
I just had an idea. Perhaps highlighting the walking motive. Both musically and lyrically. Lyrically, it could further describe how our little journeys can be so... pedestrian. And which my current^^^ lyric is. Hah, get it? But by being willing and moved to "turn another corner", to venture into neighborhoods unknown, but ones we choose by certain inspiration, be it a couple 'round that corner with a smile, or a cool bookstore sigh beckoning us, we choose to live rather than keep on the straight line.
Musically, the walking motive is present in my guitar's rhythmic pattern. Just waiting for Ringo to do his magic.
Turn another corner
Lighten up my stride
Turn another corner
Open up my eyes
Then it all comes into focus
And I keep getting warmer
So I'll turn another corner
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 18, 2013 17:09:42 GMT -5
OK... this is just what's been in my head. A whole new chorus lyric only because my mind kept going to this sort of musical release section that sounded a lot like a chorus. Is this something you can refine lyrically or do we need to reconsider direction? It sounds like a good start to me.... I'm happy to write to your music - that's really what this collab. is about for me. Firstly I'll smooth out the opening verse lyric, because the prosody is not quite right in a couple of places. In my brief songwriting career (18 months) I started out thinking that lyrics were of prime importance.  That has changed. I have realised that the overall sonic experience + vocal melody are the top dog. Throw in a one line lyric hook, and the song has a chance.  With regard to the music - I think the verse is good with the ascending bass line and the chung chung chung chung da chung chung chung chung rhythm, but I think there could be possibilities of a rhythmic change in the Chorus. I can also hear a small possible tweak in the verse melody which I'll demo for you. It may be useful or maybe not. If we keep tossing the ideas around, the best ones should speak for themselves. No hurry here - I got your PM on your current commitments - so whenever. |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 18, 2013 17:14:40 GMT -5
BTW, I had the weekend of the conference wrong. I got my needed meds, my bag packed, booked my vacation day and... it's next weekend. Doh! Here's to being too busy to be aware of the essentials. |
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 18, 2013 17:15:24 GMT -5
Obviously, or not so, I turned the song title into a chorus focus. I like that. A simple, distilling and uplifting section, that takes the more complex ideas you've outlined, and "turns another corner". I just had an idea. Perhaps highlighting the walking motive. Both musically and lyrically. Lyrically, it could further describe how our little journeys can be so... pedestrian. And which my current^^^ lyric is. Hah, get it? But by being willing and moved to "turn another corner", to venture into neighborhoods unknown, but ones we choose by certain inspiration, be it a couple 'round that corner with a smile, or a cool bookstore sigh beckoning us, we choose to live rather than keep on the straight line. Musically, the walking motive is present in my guitar's rhythmic pattern. Just waiting for Ringo to do his magic. Turn another corner Lighten up my stride Turn another corner Open up my eyes Then it all comes into focus And I keep getting warmer So I'll turn another corner Ha - I see we are into synchonised postings... ;D I agree with what you are saying. Would a walking bassline behind the chorus work for the pedestrian movement, or is that too obvious? |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 18, 2013 17:19:18 GMT -5
Move to the other forum now? There's a new thread...
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 18, 2013 17:21:18 GMT -5
BTW - I see you pasted this on the other wall.
Just o we don't bounce around between the two, I suggest we use this site for our workings, and maybe just post the updates over there for everybody else's responses.
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Post by oldgitplayer on Jan 18, 2013 17:22:21 GMT -5
Move to the other forum now? There's a new thread... OK - ignore my last post. Other forum it is......... |
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Post by leeknight on Jan 18, 2013 18:35:58 GMT -5
But yes, I LOVE the idea of a walking bassline. Very cool. |
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That has changed. I have realised that the overall sonic experience + vocal melody are the top dog. Throw in a one line lyric hook, and the song has a chance.