|
|
Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 0:56:48 GMT -5
I've been writing on a more serious note today.
Too serious for song?
Where your soul cries
You hear your heart cry
Hear your mind dissatisfied
But deep, so deep inside
There's something that resides
Yearning day and night
It's where your soul cries.
It's where your heart lies
Where your soul cries.
It knows where freedom lies
Distant from these ties
It can't be satisfied
In a world so occupied
With the urge to gratify
That's why your soul cries.
It's where your heart lies
Where your soul cries.
Dreaming of a sky
Where it can unify
Without a reason why
No more personified
Or need to classify
It's where your soul flys
Where your heart lies
Is where your soul flys.
|
|
|
|
Post by rickdieffenbach on Oct 28, 2012 3:23:21 GMT -5
These are very poetic lyrics. Would love to hear some draft music go with this.
On the surface, the use of the same rhyme on every line... well, it's very unconventional. But that's ok.
Music maestro!
Rick
|
|
|
|
Post by mrkelley on Oct 28, 2012 11:01:00 GMT -5
I see this as an interesting writing exercise, though it's one that probably won't work as an actual song. Music & songwriting are essentially about creating patterns and then subverting or changing them. It's the shift in patterns that are most pleasing to the mind's ear. All these "eye" rhymes and sub-rhymes may not provide enough variation for the listener. That's one potential problem. The other is that by setting up such a rigid rhyme structure you really have to work your ass off to write lines that make sense. Some of your lines do. Others? Not so much. FInally, I think the proper spelling for flys is flies, even in Australia... But I think it's great when one trys this kind of exercies!  |
|
|
|
Post by leeknight on Oct 28, 2012 11:15:06 GMT -5
Well, I think it could be some awesome tune. It's very 60's radical subversive in a way. And to me, the only issue I saw was
It knows where freedom lies.
That lies is right on the heels of the chorus' "lies" and feels like a stumble. Why not, It knows where freedom dies and let that verse start on a slightly different angle?
|
|
|
|
Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 13:02:14 GMT -5
I see this as an interesting writing exercise, though it's one that probably won't work as an actual song. Music & songwriting are essentially about creating patterns and then subverting or changing them. It's the shift in patterns that are most pleasing to the mind's ear. All these "eye" rhymes and sub-rhymes may not provide enough variation for the listener. That's one potential problem. The other is that by setting up such a rigid rhyme structure you really have to work your ass off to write lines that make sense. Some of your lines do. Others? Not so much. FInally, I think the proper spelling for flys is flies, even in Australia... But I think it's great when one trys this kind of exercies! Oh yes - we have flies a-plenty in the great southern land. You are right - it is an exercise - but I'm working on the premise of juxtaposing the 'drone' rhyme scheme with melodic movement. Well - that's the idea, and the challenge. Everything I write is really just an exercise in my mind, with the vague possibility of being a songwriter (or not) one day. |
|
|
|
Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 28, 2012 13:05:31 GMT -5
Well, I think it could be some awesome tune. It's very 60's radical subversive in a way. And to me, the only issue I saw was It knows where freedom lies. That lies is right on the heels of the chorus' "lies" and feels like a stumble. Why not, It knows where freedom dies and let that verse start on a slightly different angle? Yep - I am being experimental. Now everything depends on whether I can create the appropriate radical melodic movement to make this baby fly. Glad you like the idea. |
|
|
|
Post by rsadasiv on Oct 29, 2012 15:13:01 GMT -5
You are right - it is an exercise - but I'm working on the premise of juxtaposing the 'drone' rhyme scheme with melodic movement. Well - that's the idea, and the challenge. That's an interesting concept. It doesn't fit your subject matter (or the contrast with melodic movement) but Rap very frequently uses this kind of "drone" rhyme scheme, and you can also reach back to "Subterranean Homesick Blues" era Dylan for models. |
|
|
|
Post by oldgitplayer on Oct 29, 2012 17:57:17 GMT -5
It won't be anything like SHB or rap, but I'm experimenting with possibilities in my head, and I'm going to lift Bach's descending bass line from 'Air on a G string' and alter its tempo as a starting point. This has a lot of melodic movement, and I'm thinking to have much smaller melodic shifts in the vocal lines.
|
|
